Glowsticks, hammering and waking up

I’ve just taken a hammering. Mind you, it was the kind of hammering I enjoy. (You! Mind out of the gutter!).

I just read a 30 page offline blog post. I walked away from the opportunity of seeing The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants just so I could concentrate on it. Admittedly, not a difficult choice. Hugh MacLeod over at has written a series of blog posts and condensed them into one long article that blew my mind. (Again with the gutter? come on!).

The past month has been pretty rough on me. Mainly work related issues – tech support has been sucking the life out of my soul. I realised today that I’m starting to hate people, just based on my experience of doing day-to-day phone tech support for the last (almost) year. So, how is it that I find myself sitting in my room with blue and green glowsticks wrapped around my wrists? I can only put it down to feeding my inner child.

I feel like I’ve just woken up from a long very painful dream, with a few realisations.

1. I need to start feeding my inner child a little better.
2. The discipline of sitting down and actually creating isn’t actually a whole lot of fun in the middle of it. I quite like the beginning and end bits! But the pain is necessary to produce the child. I don’t think I can get around this anymore. Maybe it hurts because I am SO undisciplined.
3. Creating is the only thing that will keep ME out of the belly of the beast.

I’ve been looking into the belly of the beast a lot recently. Seeing their world for what it is. It’s a whole other unfinished post right now. Unfortunately, it’s a feedback loop that feeds the black dog.

See, what I realised tonight is that the creating and the hard grind necessary to get to the finished product is the very thing that stops the black dog in it’s tracks. This means that instead of throwing in the towel, as I’ve been considering, I need to keep going – the flipside is that I need to find a way to balance that time with the rest of my responsibilities AND the other stuff I’m working on.

So, here I am. Awake again… now to see where it takes me this time. Just need to try and make sure I don’t fall asleep at the wheel.


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